11:30 at night and I can’t go to sleep. I have to get up for work in a few short hours, yet for some reason I am sitting here listening to the same song over and over again with the feeling that I need to get a post out tonight. I don’t even know what I’m going to talk about while I type this…so whoever you are that needs to hear this right now, I pray that God just moves in a tremendous way right now as you read this. I might not know who you are, but God does…and He has you right where He wants you.
This is the song I was talking about, and there are some crazy strong lyrics in there. My favorite part…”Then you crash over me, I’m right where you want me to be, I’m going under, I’m in over my head. Whether I sink, whether I swim, it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head.” It’s amazing just how accurate other peoples words can be.
I’ve been trying to figure out what to post for a few days now, knowing I need to get something written out but not know what. I actually sat down last Friday with an awesome friend and brother and we did a little bit of soul baring. I’ve been feeling trapped at a crossroads for a while now…seeing many options before me but not knowing which one I’m supposed to take. They all feel like the write choice, but how is that even possible. That conversation, plus the repeated playing of this song over and over again, has helped cement in my mind that “I’m right where He wants me to be”. Oh…and prayer…there has been lots and lots of that as well!
What do you do when you are staring at a sign pointing in many different directions? Well…apparently you let a really good friend convince you that all the roads lead to the same destination, and that maybe they aren’t as far apart as you thought they were. I’m a writer. I’m a talented “tech” guy. I’m skilled at web management. I have a heart for those in need. I love managing communities. I need to fix things. I desire to see God move visibly in a mighty way. Why can’t all of these things lead to the same purpose. Why do I need to only choose one as my “purpose” in life. That’s the question I have been asking myself for so long.
I finally found the answer. I don’t. I don’t have to choose only one. God gave me the gifts that I have for a specific reason, and while I don’t know exactly what the end result is going to be; after months of prayer, months of questioning, months of wondering, months of seeking, months of begging for a sign for which path to take…I finally realize that I might not be able to handle them all on my own, but luckily I’m not on my own.
So I decided to take all of my passions, lump them into one big, crazy, vision, and trust that God’s got this. Details of that vision will come soon enough, but that’s for a later post.
Now I just have to figure out why I have been so naive for so long. Being scared of handling the size of my goals just seems silly to me now. I’ve been trying to figure out my purpose for so long now, when I’ve had the motivation literally staring me in the face the entire time. I made a graphic years ago that is on my computer desktop…so I see it all the time.
“If the size of your vision isn’t intimidating to you, there’s a good chance it’s insulting to God”
How did I manage to read that every day and still come out scared of doing something big?
Well, I think I’ve rambled enough. Sorry for the unorganized thoughts that I’ve just thrown up here so quickly tonight. But as I started out, I didn’t know at all what I was going to write…I just knew I needed to do something. And for the person that I’m writing this for…I don’t know who you are, but I know there’s something you are seeking. Don’t stop.
Heavenly Father, I don’t pretend to have it all together. I know that I am flawed and that is the reason I need you. I thank you for showing me the path that I need to take, and I thank you for being there to hold my up along the way. I pray that you would be there tonight with the person that needs to feel your presence. I know you know them, and that you have plans for them. Please help them to find it. Amen