Perfect Omnitude

If I could meet her one thousand times over
It would be better each time
She would make me see the me in me
And I, the her in her
Again

Again, I would do all for just her one wish
Would go to the end of reality to find her
If we’re ever torn apart

No worries, apart never shall we be
We are too similar, alike in every way
We are equal, everything about us is the same
Her likes are mine, and hers are my dislikes

Sometimes I just start to think
Where would I be without her
I’ve not known her a long time
But I can’t help to feel lost
When I think of what would happen
Without her

I close my eyes and imagine
A world without her
I cannot hide these tears
The sorrow it brings
This is what I think of, because
People have talked; said we would not last
But we have crossed many oceans already
We just have a few more

All the people said we will not make it
And they were right, for we have not
Yet sadly in part, I feel nothing
Because in my heart, I found more love
In another

Originally written 11 March 2001

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Break Violence

You are the hate, we are our enemies
Enemies of the same face
I have the feelings, you have the greed
Enemies of both
Within a field of hate, we inspire each other
To despise

(CHORUS)
You must look in my face, my mind, my soul
All you’ll ever see is the hate inside
The world is flooded with hate and transgression
Violence fills the streets, the homes, the lives
Rid the world and clean the skies
Despise, Despise, Despise

My mind holds you up, only to slam you down
I laugh in your face, you’ll never make it my friend
You will be forced into the fire
Of the slander of the mind

(CHORUS)

Our Faces (faster)
Our Minds (cross-over)
Our Souls (fight eternally)
I am damned, you are damned
Maybe in some screwed up reality
We could be best of friends
But when conscienceness wakes us
We remain closest enemies

(Despise me, Despise you)
(For it is all we know)

(CHORUS)

You see me and I’m questioning
What are you?  Who are you?
Where are you going?  What will you do there?
You see me wondering; you ask a question
What do you think of me?
All you mean to me is
Despair, despair, despair (4x)

I want this to go
I need this to go
For every moment I slip further towards despair

(Further towards despair, despair, despair)

Originally written – 9 February 2001

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Unification

I get lost in the blinding maze of hate
I get lost in this demented haze
Within a cloud of confusion, the voices push me on

Without a light to guide my path
Making this journey will be unreal
Surrounding me is a cage of steal
Cold, and still I wait

Alone in the dark I wait
Me and them, we are all one
I should have been released a time ago
But I have been forgotten
Get back to your sorrowful selves
Present and future; forever will you live

I have been overlooked by The Fates
Past is mine alone, preset and future
They pass me by; forever will I die

But eternal death I will retain in unity
I wait for them; for we are all one
I will rise and fall, but in the end
We will be united again

Originally written – 11 January 2001

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What do I do

Love
Bright light, no…
Not light; shimmering of eyes in the distance
Blue, elegant, beautiful eyes
Feeling for these eyes, these eyes of she
Feelings reach out like arms, pulling her to me
She is within my range of physical now
A wall, it comes from nothing
Stop; a pause of the light
So close, yet so far
Separated by this one, single, impossible wall
Confusion sets in
Can’t make sense of these feelings
Where are they, love is here; but where is the courage?
The courage is hidden
The courage can break this wall
Enable eyes of she to see eyes of me
Together, then will we be completely joined
But, one this remains
What do I do?
Where is the Courage?

Originally written – 5 December 2000

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In a Single Thought

I have been lost in this smothering darkness for too long.  My life has been a place of sorrow and pain for as long as my feeble mind can go back.  Somewhere there must be a light.  I carry my torch unlit, searching for a fire to start the flame of life.  Around every corner I find wickedness and defeat.  But in the distance, a voice calls to me…

“The Flame is needed to light the Torch; the Beast is wary of the Flame.”

What does this mean?  The beast is wary of nothing.  It has been following me, stalking me since the beginning.  It is there waiting at every turn.  It seeks to destroy me.  I know this beast, it is The Evil One.

Eyes of darkness; breath of fiery brimstone.  A forked tongue concealed in an innocent mouth.  A chest of black fire and horns tipped with poison.  It was created from the essence of evil itself.

He speaks to me, tries to make me listen.  But I am reluctant.  He consumes my thoughts; tries to control my mind.  It is unclean; a filthy beast of arrogance and lies.  I am slowly learning to fend it off though.  Through the years I have learned to avoid it.  I choose my path cautiously.

In the distance I can see light!  For the first time I can see light!  It is beautiful.  I can make out the flame, it is a bright speck entombed by the darkness.  It calls to me…

“I am the flame, the flame to light the torch.  The torch is your only hope, the only way to destroy the beast.”

I keep moving, getting ever closer to the end of my journey.  This is where the flame is, at the end of the catacombs.  In an instant, I see the beast appear.  It blocks my way through the gate.  Will not let me pass.  But I have reached the flame now.  With a swift move of my hand, I let the flame engulf my torch.  Suddenly I feel empowered; I have gained a strength unknown to me.  The beast is fearful, it knows its fate now.  With the torch there is no life for the beast.  With a flash of light and a burst of life; the beast vanishes.  Banished to the never ending catacombs of death and the unforgiving flames of Hell.

Now with the beast gone, I can finally step into the light.  I will finally regain my life.  From here there is only one path; I will follow in the direction it leads.

Originally written – 6 November 2000

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Her

She is beautiful, so very beautiful
She is like the landscape of a calm winder day
As delicate as the petals of a daisy
As free as the eagle that soars against the blue

I have searched the world for a heart like this one
Searched the corners of the earth to find this gentle peace

I knew this was a special heart from the first moment
Knew this could be the one

The others; I hesitated, had to make sure they would not hurt me
Yet they did
I grew cautious, built walls to protect me from the pain
To guard my heart from being hurt again
But in doing so, I blocked out the True Love

Thoughts of her feel so warm inside
She has made me forget the pains of my past

There is none other like this one
None other has such a perfect heart
When I look at her, she reminds me of myself
We have so much in common; yet, something stands between us
It is me, my shyness; the thought of past pains
They cause me to be wary, too cautious

I know she will not hurt me, I can sense it
If I feel pain from this; it must be from me
Never her

I wish to be there for her
When she is down and lonely
Or when she just needs someone to hold her and to listen

I want her to know how I feel
I need her to know that I care

But this weariness holds me back
Keeps my heart from finding hope again

I feel that she knows my thoughts
Knows I want to reach out and hold her in my arms
Want to taste her sweet kiss upon my lips

From this moment, I drop my walls
I will surrender this caution, I have to take this chance
I need love in my heart again

Originally written – 27 October 2000

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Theft

You think I say these things to get attention
Think I say them so people will care
Why would I bother to do this, when,
I already know no one gives a damn

You always tell me I’m the best
But really you think I’m no good
You always tell me I can do better
But really you think I should quit

You always expect me to follow the rules
Maybe it’s all in my head
But I don’t think your rules make any sense
Understand that some things will never change

Nothing I do is ever good enough for you
And nothing I say ever makes any sense
God forbid I do something my way
If I did that, of course I’d be wrong

You try to pretend like you care about me
You’ve convinced everyone but me
You won’t stop until you get everything I have
You’re going to take it all away and leave me with nothing

I’m losing my emotions and I’m losing my mind
Because of you I’m empty inside
Your thirst for strife can never be satisfied
I know you won’t stop until you get what you want

So go ahead and take my pride, it’s the only thing that I have left

Originally written – 3 March 2002

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Pendulum

Voice
Voices
Loud
Scratchy
Mean
Disturbing
Stressful
Inside
Long
Distressed
Loathing
Moans
Scare
Thoughts
Out
Thrashing
Words
Penetrate
Heart
Feelings
Torn
Apart
Start
Over
Empty
Again
Forever

Originally written – 3 March 2002

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Detergent

Toss it in
Toss it in
Turn blue cap
Red bottle upturned
Drop in cage
Wash with
Clang
Shit it goes
Click, click, click
Time, heat, size
Push in
Swirl
Separate soil
Toil, toil, toil
Spinning and spinning
Whipping so fast
Back and forth
Slowing to a still
Pop, drain
Empty the
Dirty liquid
Take out
Toss in
Start all over
This time
Use more
Then spin
The other way

Originally written – 3 March 2002

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Voices

I hear someone crying in the background
I can’t seem to make him stop
I know how he is feeling
I understand his thoughts
He confides himself within me
He tells me what his life has brought
Loneliness and anger
Expressions of guilt
He tells me how his life is going
Tells me his hunger to die is growing
Says that the world is a giant mosh-pit
Says people only push and knock him down
He tells me of the stress he has
Because all people do is annoy him
Everyone around him thinks they know what his problem is
They think they know how to help him
He doesn’t understand how they could know though
When he doesn’t even know what it is
Although what he tells me seems fake
I believe him, because when I look around
Look to see who I’ve been talking to
I realize he’s not sitting by me
But who I hear is the voice within me

Originally written – 17 February 2002

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