In a Single Thought

I have been lost in this smothering darkness for too long.  My life has been a place of sorrow and pain for as long as my feeble mind can go back.  Somewhere there must be a light.  I carry my torch unlit, searching for a fire to start the flame of life.  Around every corner I find wickedness and defeat.  But in the distance, a voice calls to me…

“The Flame is needed to light the Torch; the Beast is wary of the Flame.”

What does this mean?  The beast is wary of nothing.  It has been following me, stalking me since the beginning.  It is there waiting at every turn.  It seeks to destroy me.  I know this beast, it is The Evil One.

Eyes of darkness; breath of fiery brimstone.  A forked tongue concealed in an innocent mouth.  A chest of black fire and horns tipped with poison.  It was created from the essence of evil itself.

He speaks to me, tries to make me listen.  But I am reluctant.  He consumes my thoughts; tries to control my mind.  It is unclean; a filthy beast of arrogance and lies.  I am slowly learning to fend it off though.  Through the years I have learned to avoid it.  I choose my path cautiously.

In the distance I can see light!  For the first time I can see light!  It is beautiful.  I can make out the flame, it is a bright speck entombed by the darkness.  It calls to me…

“I am the flame, the flame to light the torch.  The torch is your only hope, the only way to destroy the beast.”

I keep moving, getting ever closer to the end of my journey.  This is where the flame is, at the end of the catacombs.  In an instant, I see the beast appear.  It blocks my way through the gate.  Will not let me pass.  But I have reached the flame now.  With a swift move of my hand, I let the flame engulf my torch.  Suddenly I feel empowered; I have gained a strength unknown to me.  The beast is fearful, it knows its fate now.  With the torch there is no life for the beast.  With a flash of light and a burst of life; the beast vanishes.  Banished to the never ending catacombs of death and the unforgiving flames of Hell.

Now with the beast gone, I can finally step into the light.  I will finally regain my life.  From here there is only one path; I will follow in the direction it leads.

Originally written – 6 November 2000

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Real Fear

Why does this still go on?  It was put to an end eons ago.  But it has again become a reality.  The thing I have dreaded for as long as I can remember.  This evil, this unspoken evil; it has tortured me for too long a time; it has tortured us all for too long a time.  No ones knows it, but it is everywhere.  No one is immune to it.  It can raid even the sturdiest of minds.  It sees no color, age, sex, or religion; it is a hardened killer.  It stalks by fear.  Fear is the gateway, the portal in which this horrible creature emerges.  It is a constant factor in life; where ever there is fear, there is evil.  It soaks up the power created by fright, feeds on the never ending supply.  As long as there is fear, this creature will never die.  It will live on.  The fear is strong, it is one of the strongest emotions that man is able to generate.  There is a way though, a way that this creature of evil can be silenced.  When mankind learns that hate, slander, prejudice, murder, and other such things are just weapons of destruction planted in our lives by the king of fear in order to keep fear in the hearts of billions.  When people realize that beautiful is not an outward appearance, but an emotion.  When mankind realizes that there is no need for all the torture; this evil will be licked away for eternity.  Fear will vanish.

Will this ever happen though?  Are there too many people that believe fear is the root of life?  It is because of these people that we allow the rest of humanity to be tortured and imprisoned by this create.  We must stand for ourselves and fight.  We will have our day of victory.  That day is just over the horizon.  So until then, we must stand in unity to hold back the Beast.

Originally written – 21 October 2000

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For the Sake of Lost Souls

My mind grows cold as it is filled with the thoughts of millions of lost souls roaming this lonely planet.  They call out to me, reminding me of their eternal presence.  They torture me, commanding me to release them of their debts, for it is because of them that they are lost.  The things they found no repentance for during life are keeping them from finding their way to the unknown.  People in their life never forgave them, causing them to suffer eternally.  Causing them to build up regret; souls that are regretful cannot pass through the portal to eternal rest.  This regretful soul must release its pain in order to pass through the portal.

These souls see me as their comforter, their watcher.  They seem to think that I hold the key to the portal.  I am in a state of confusion though.  Perhaps I do hold their key, but where is it?  These many souls cry out to me, holding me down from continuing my own life.  They do not understand what they do to me, for they are lost.  They are foundering in the regret that holds them on this side of the portal.  Lost in a haze of deep darkness; they wander about aimlessly to find their key.

Soon, I intend to find their precious key.  I will put these souls to rest.  Even if it means my life to be taken.  I will put these souls to rest.  I will sacrifice myself for the sake of lost souls.

Originally written – 13 October 2000
sequel to “Lost Souls”

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Eternally Damned

Why must my world be this way?  Why must I retain all of this pain.  Other people are normal, they forget the pain in their lives after a time.  Me, I do not.  Every pain that has overtaken my worthless soul is still held inside; trapped like a prisoner in this dark prison.  The pain invades my dreams, causes me to scream in agony as I grow deeper into this eternal life of pain.

Since I was a child, I have kept the pain.  Now, I have no more room to store this ungodly gift.  I must get rid of this pain before I explode.  Every day to me just means more uncontrollable pain and anger.  I must find a way to release this pain.  If I cannot, then I will be eternally damned by this evil.

Originally written – 23 August 2000

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Death

It has happened; the thing that is said to be impossible, is said to kill the one who dares even to speak of It.  It has happened to me, I have seen Death.  Sure, others have seen It, even seen Its face.  But I have gone further than the others; I have looked into Its eyes, those unspeakably emotion-less eyes.  They seem forged from pure flame.

The others have said that Death is a being of evil; but of what they say, none is true.  Death is not even a “being,” much less one of evil.  It is a semblance of all that is true:  evil, love, hate, holiness; the darkness and the light.  Death is not a bringer of sorrow or fear.  Death is only the messenger of God.

Its only existence is to tell the soul of the coming inevitability that it must leave to meet its final resting place.  It is not Deaths decision whether that place is Heaven or Hell.  Death is no ones friend, but it is also no ones enemy.  Death has been to Hell to meet demons, but it has also shaken the hand of Gabriel.

It is your place to decide for yourself, but can you call a semblance that brings the same news to everyone evil?  I do not think one can, but I leave it to you.  I let it be on your conscience whether to label Death evil or holy.  Death is only a semblance, for it does not truly exist.  There is no end to life, just a switch from time to timelessness.

So it is up to you…evil…holy…or is there something past that.  Something that goes beyond evilness and holiness, something that the human mind has no comprehension of.  If that is so, who are we to worry about it?

Originally written – 17 August 2000

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Devoted

that I’m misery I on body me
see fine you the a the the
there inside only a darkness have held
out out an sidewalk sat dime signs
it in meet right ringing tell right
right america and awake hoping stay it
try go kept twisted deceiving I god
caught you at emptiness girl because lost
your don’t have take silenced one and
seeds and I

are to hey down to rhyme the
cut what the Inspired high press I
just a the is regret go light
has with desert faction don’t you what
somebody so wrong spent alone water his
what’s I’ll it live some us your
by maze soul today stream arms a
sunlight love he’s and time ’cause let’s
me although friend is there I’m morning
as her away strikes oceans us still
it the hear down be

a something me look my life shoot
whats do please mouths our before tell
hear war hear hear remorse face been
head disconnected pick head have truth truth
is with division come see we to
yelled me far road and thinking for
you sacrifice heart I’m our to careless
to memories and here and give with
me are simple hold alone the ashes
and of leave by my me reason
what one time no is right go stop
god through must pain inside hiding be
I day one

Originally written – 6 May 2002

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Uncaring Heart

Lost in the blinding glare of the uncaring heart of one that feels no guilt.  My heart is slowly being torn apart by the one that feels no emotion towards my yearning heart.  When I feel the presence of this uncaring heart, my senses go numb.  I feel light hearted and dizzy, my breath leaves me and my voice is silent.  I stand there and absorb the ripples caused by this uncaring heart even though it feels nothing for me.  I know that somewhere beneath the surface of this uncaring heart there are feelings of love and desire.

The waves of emotion from this depth of the uncaring heart are weakened into ripples as they pass through the barrier on the outside.  There are times when I feel as if the barrier is about to fall, but then some dark power from the depths rebuilds the barrier that shields our hearts from touching.

Despite the barrier that’s keeping this uncaring heart from reaching to me; I will continue my journey into the depths.  Someday, somehow, I will breach this barrier and finally our two hearts will meet.  I cannot go on forever, for as I seek the means to destroy this barrier, another grows.  It is growing within me, seeking to create one more uncaring heart.

Originally written – 14 August 2000

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Lost Souls

My soul grows cold as I wake to the voices of millions taunting me.  They call me, reminding me of the hate in this world.  They confuse me; warning me of the future, yet reminding me of the past.  The black cloud of hate surrounding this lonely world blurs my senses, putting me in a haze of rage and confusion.  It is only in the darkness of the night that I can rest and my soul can find its home.  Yet even then there are still times when the voices take over my dreams; telling me of all the failures in my life.  Upon waking, my soul is once again lost in the screams of the many other lost souls that are held within the cloud of confusion.  The light to me only resembles hate, despair, and sorrow.  Maybe tomorrow will be a day of change for this hateful and confused world; but tonight I sleep, waiting for the lost souls to find peace.

Originally written – 14 August 2000

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