Have you ever looked back at goals you set for yourself and wondered how you messed them up so bad?  I set a goal for myself to make at least one post a month on this blog, among other goals in life of course, and where am I now?  More than 4 years since I made a new post…can’t believe I did that poorly!  I was trying to think of some good excuse: life got in the way, things are busy, etc…but really I just got lazy those first couple months and it turned into over 4 years; not much I can say to excuse that away.  So anyway, here we are again, not knowing if anyone is even going to read this…but it’s time to get back into the habit of writing my thoughts so I don’t go crazy!  I figured since I was so far behind, a good first topic would be “keeping on track” because I’m horrible at it and writing it down might help push me along…and hopefully anyone reading this as well.

It’s fun looking at all the pending posts I have, the topics I thought of 4 years ago that would be good to cover…and luckily they all still fit, so hopefully I’ve already got the next 4 or 5 posts lined up…just have to write them, so it’s time to set myself of at least one post a month again, and stick to it this time!  Not only for everyone (Hello? Are you out there?) reading, but for myself as well.  As I mentioned when I first started this blog, I’m doing this for both the readers and myself…writing down my thoughts is a useful release for me to keep my mind and thoughts going forward, while also (hopefully) having the benefit of helping someone else along the way.  I won’t pretend to be an expert at everything, but I do know a little bit about somethings..and I feel like that’s all you need to be useful.  Could just be me spewing my brain, but people responding in the comments and starting discussions would be a huge help to me and everyone involved to…so if you are reading this, please feel free to leave a comment and lets talk.

If you’ve read what I’ve written in the past, it’ll be no surprise to you that I’m a pretty big fan of music…I pretty much always include a song in my posts, usually a Christian song, but this time around I’ve been listening to a secular song a lot lately and it wasn’t until now that I really started to realize why.  It’s a song by Jelly Roll, titled Son of a Sinner…and it’s mostly about addiction…which I have never struggled with but I believe it can be relatable to many other issues that people are suffering through, two main ones for me are depression and anxiety.  I think a main take away from the lyrics to this song is just how hard it can be to overcome some struggles when they just keep coming back, but you have to be willing to push through to get better.  I won’t pretend to know how difficult addiction is, but I do know how hard depression can be; and while I might be completely wrong with this thought…the two can be awfully similar in how they just suck you right back in.

I don’t normally post the full lyrics to the songs I include, but I feel like I need to for this one, so here you go:

I never get lonely
I get these ghosts to keep me company
I took the rear-view off of this old Ford
So I only see in front of me

Now the past is out of sight and out of mind
Swore I changed, now I’m back chasing these white lines

I’m just a long-haired son of a sinner
Searching for new ways I can get gone
I’m a pedal to the highway
If you ever wonder why we write these songs

‘Cause I’m only one drink away from the devil
I’m only one call away from home
Yeah, I’m somewhere in the middle
I guess I’m just a little right and wrong

These back-roads got me
These pills pretend to be my friend
I’m done for the last time
I’m lying to myself again
I always say that
Now I’m on my way back here somehow
I should know by now

I’m just a long-haired son of a sinner
Searching for new ways I can get gone
I’m a pedal to the highway
If you ever wonder why we write these songs

‘Cause I’m only one drink away from the devil
I’m only one call away from home
Yeah, I’m somewhere in the middle
I guess I’m just a little right and wrong

Mistakes I made, I paid for them in cash
Walked a million miles on broken glass
I’m feeling like I’m fading
My heart’s been slowly breaking

Might pop a pill and smoke and maybe drink
Talk to God and tell Him what I think
At first He’s gonna hate me
But eventually He’ll save me

I’m just a long-haired son of a sinner
Searching for new ways I can get gone
I’m a pedal to the highway
If you ever wonder why we write these songs

‘Cause I’m only one drink away from the devil
I’m only one call away from home
Yeah, I’m somewhere in the middle
I guess I’m just a little right and wrong

Such meaningful lyrics, at least to me, I hope they are for you as well.  Two sections really stand out to me.

First, “So I took the rear-view off of this old Ford, so I only see in front of me”.  This line hits me so hard because it can be such a good way or a bad way to look at things; I think we really need to be somewhere in the middle.  It’s OK to try and forget the past so you can focus on the future, but there are also things in our past that while they were bad at the time…are useful for making us stronger and giving us the ability to move on and stay on track.  It’s a fine line to determine what is healthy to hold onto and what isn’t, and I’m not going to pretend like I have some magic trick to figure it out.  I think God gave us a conscience for a reason and we need to use it to help us figure out the answer to that question of what is healthy and what isn’t.  But once we decide, whether by ourselves or with help from someone else, it’s time to “take the rear-view off” and focus on the future and whatever path you have planned on taking.

Secondly, “Talk to God and tell Him what I think, at first He’s gonna hate me, but eventually He’ll save me”.  Probably the most significant line in this song.  Whether you are a believer or not, whether your relationship with God is strong or not, whether whatever you are dealing with is big or small, it doesn’t really matter…we have all probably gone through those times where we have issues in life that we want to bring to God but we are scared He isn’t going to like it.  No matter what those issues are, God loves us unconditionally and nothing can change that.  So bring whatever it is to Him, tell Him the truth, don’t hold back…it’s OK to be angry, it’s OK to be hurt, it’s OK to be lonely, it’s OK to be broken…He knows all of it, and can fix it all as well, you just have to be willing to put it at His feet so he can do the saving.

Well, I think that’s about it for this one.  I’m not sure how on topic I really stayed, but my fingers typed what I felt needed to come out and that’s all I can ask for.  Hopefully this helps someone, I know it helped me a bit just writing it and reflecting on my own thoughts.  Wish me luck and throw me some prayers that I am able to stay on track with my goals this time.  And my prayer for anyone reading this, or that may find it in the future, is that whatever you are dealing with…whatever you need to get on track towards, you bring it to God and ask Him for the strength to continue on.

And as always, I’ll leave you with the video…take a look, it’s a good one.

Lord, I want to keep on track.  I want to set my goals and push forward towards them without any blocks in the road.  I know that isn’t always possible, so I just pray that when those road-blocks do show up, I can get past them with your help and put them in the rear-view.  I pray that you be with anyone reading this post and give them the strength to do the same.  Help me stay on track toward you.